Are you usually making love with some awesome breasts, tantalizing buttocks and some mouthwatering thighs? Are you rushing into it, devouring them like a savory fruit?
You then have the tendency to sometimes see your girlfriend as an object. An object to which, true, you care about, because it is the source of your pleasures. Because she was so used to it, she does not retort, but molds into your vision, transforming into exactly what you want. All is well, but not really beautiful, because in this case you are not making love with her. You only give yourself pleasure with a sum of appetizing elements of her body.
It’s true, it’s much easier to hide behind a tough man’s facade, pretending you’re the perfectly mastering the situation. But what this situation can really give you is questionable. In any case, not the amorous pleasures you’ve been dreaming of.
Tantra and Tao share the following axiom:
The amorous ecstasy can not be provided by an object. It is born in the profound intimacy of bodies and souls, and it amplifies itself in the joy of self-discovery.
Want to reach a state of harmony in love? There is only one way: to be totally present when you are making love. Easy to say, but not that easy to achieve.
So where do we start?
First of all, let go of maintaining an image of a man that’s fierce and tough in any and all situations. Be as you can, and be who you are. It’s not quite easy, because that makes you vulnerable. You find yourself stripped of all your masks in front of someone. And this comes with some less then comfortable consequences for you.
Since you stopped playing the tough guy act, you’re off the script. There’s no more pre-rehearsed scenario, which means accepting unpredictable situations.
And yet … That’s what means to really be a man! It’s not trying to fit this season’s image of the super virility man, but instead to take your weaknesses into account, and accept them. Be the peaceful warrior who courageously confronts his frustrations and fears, and dauntlessly throws himself into the frenzy of life. Be your own hero! Your persevering work with yourself ennobles you and raises you to the rank of a true champion. Look inside. Face yourself. Look at those shadows that you have been hiding for so long from yourself, as well as from the others. And keep in mind the motto: * Know yourself and you will know the universe *, is the foundation of any true transformation. This is the first and the most important level, because it helps you exist also outside of your mental cage. In addition, it gives you the chance to have a real connection with your entire being, and foremost of all with your body.
Once you have discovered your true yang strength, you are ready for the next level. Now you need to open your being to the feminine aspect, while still remaining centered in, and perfectly aware of your male structure. How is that actually done?
Zone your focus to your genitals, perceiving your sexuality and virile force in their fullness, but also aiming to be as aware as possible of how you feel altogether. You do not have to do anything else. Just experience it with all of your being, as deeply as you can. You have nothing to prove. You have no performance to achieve.
All you have to do is perceive the real needs and desires of the one you love. But that implies your full presence. It’s not just play pretend of being a man. It is much more than imagination. It is simply to be there, and not just in your head as you are accustomed to, but with your whole body that’s provided with a loving heart and awake consciousness. Follow your intuition. Stop thinking or judging. Be open and accept everything as it comes. Avoid looking for something.
Granted, it’s not easy. How do you go on without desires? How can you not show the woman you like and love what’s your worth? How do you renounce your receiving satisfactions? After all, why would that be so wrong? I mean, you were designed like that, right? It’s not wrong… the problems arise when you settle to just that. Do you want to be a true tantric man? Then it is necessary to overcome your primary biological condition.
By renouncing your primary goal, the coitus, you remain open to all the opportunities that an encounter with your lover has to offer. She will feel you offer her all of your presence, and she will relax. Because it’s the woman, the one who gives the rhythm of your amorous dance. And you’re the melody.
These are the type of amorous encounters where you succeed to just be present, and listen to your beloved with your entire being. This is when miracles happen. Witness Life as it pulses in both of you, feel that ineffable harmony of bodies and souls, that ineffable amalgam of voluptuous pleasures and great happiness. Experience the two of you merge into one, fulfilling the miracle of Everything.